im the False Messiah?

its been a while since i started writing down my post. haha. ionno. maybe being a year older has something to do with it. or maybe me being so busy trying to forget ill be older has kept me from writing down random thoughts. there are so much i would like to write down here, but i fear my family and friends are not ready to read them. i think i should move away from posting photos. haha. i mean, posting photos with no texts on what i feel at the moment. im hungry ive been trying to eat lots. gain weight. i was sick for four days after christmas and five days after new year. so yea, i lost weight. hmn. i hate it. i feel so skinny and fat at the same time ive been meeting guys. haha. i want to write about people ive met and what we did and the stupid things ive done lately. lol. but im scared they are at times too private. just this afternoon, i was with my friend gino, and i saw his friends blog. this guy was my college "friend". we dont really hang together. he with a different crowd. id say hes one of those guys youd bump into each other say hi and check up on how things are with him, bid goodbye and then walk about and start thinkin about your busy day. that was how we were in college. i sensed theres something about him. told all my friends from college but they wouldnt believe me. then this afternoon, i confirmed all my suspicions. lol. oh well. for three days i had a crush on him back in college. then like the usual me, it faded away. haha! i still remember how we talked about masturbation while eating together in mcdonalds. lol. well, it wasnt even close to a date, we just chanced upon each other, and me being the jovial and friendly guy, and decided to share the table. lol. funny. oh well. i cant describe what im feelin right now. so weird. lol. oh well. at least my gaydar was in tune since college. i was right all along. lol. tonight will be the first day of UP Fair. its an annual thing at the univeristy of the philippines. a big thing. 20,000 people go every night, filling the entire sunken garden. imma go there. prolly date someone. haha. then mess. ionno. lately ive been really promiscuous. gino, is the only guy who knows lots about my adventures. lol. hes a funnee guy. fun to be with. this morning, gino showed me a test site okcupid.com. i took the test and heres my result.i guess being in a relationship with players has turned me into one. ive been played at all the time and i guess, life has turned me into someone i really hated. lol. im sorry. i didnt mean to laugh. i dont like playing with guys. its bad. but i cant help it. i like them, then i fall for them, then i realize, ill just tear them into pieces. so i start to move away everytime things start to be "too perfect". sometimes, i just like goin out with guys. then they fall for me. then i just walk away, not knowing that they "loved" me. its weird. im sorry. im being mean. im not even cute in the first place. lol. well, ionno why i play with them. thats why i kinda like going out with players. cos i like playing along. but at times, they even fall for me. so i dunno. maybe im destined to be single. or ionno. crap. i need someone to take my breath away. someone strong smart and affectionate. i need to be with someone before i turn 19. lol. or ill have to celebrate my 18th birthday again next year. lol. im going back to school this june. im going to study. my mom wants me to fix my passport and go to chicago. but, ionno. its lonely there. manila is hella fun. so i guess ill just study again instead. take up fashion design / clothing tech or education, and be a teacher for highschool. lol. well see.